A constant batte at work...

Although organisation such as the one I'm working for has an advantage of having a few days of their own holiday for all staff, there are also the 'dark' side of it. Information are given on the need-to-know basis so if one is a newbie, the doors are closed. People in the organisation are very protective over what you should know and not. Most of the time, they determine what you should not know :P so you're constantly in the dark, fumbling around. It's a pity as there are no unity within the branch and division. Everyone is doing their own dance. At times I wonder, why on earth was I hired? The whole summer, I was basically doing very mundane things to the point like I'm overly paid for such a mundane task *DUH* while 'waiting for some sort of activity of my given big project'. The big gap between now and next year is a LONG period. I just hope things will pick up soon.....for my sanity sake.

It's a constant battle raging within me which I've tried to supress else I think I would have gone to a depression by just thinking of it. The uncertainty of my contract extension when I have the short-term contract does not help matters. This mean I'm unable to plan ahead with my holidays, to buy a car, etc. I'm wondering does 90% of the staff are like me during this summer period or it's just me? Was I hired for a job just to cover a branch budget? Or does the Head of the branch knows what his plans are for me in the organisation besides the big project assigned to me? What is going on? A conspiracy that I should know about? I want to contribute, I want to work. But unfortunately for me, it's not happening anytime soon :( I prefer being busy then pretending to look like I'm busy all the time...it's stressful! It can do some damage to my brain cells in my remaining intellectual department. Let's be honest, I'm only using 5% of my active brain cells everyday for the past 44 days since I've started working :P Who knows....the organisation might extend me or might not, if they do, I think it's a miracle considering my 'workload' :P Part of me, I wanted to be extended...for the $$$ and the experience, whatever it is.